Beauty breaks the rules

This quote strikes me as poignant:

“I am slow-thinking and full of interior rules that act as brakes on my desires....” F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

The reason it has so much meaning to me is how deeply I can relate to the protagonist's insight. For a very long time, I've not acted on spontaneous emotion, on impulse, caprice, for fear of disrupting some balance in society, or my present chunk of it, by breaking some "interior" rule. I've called it Introversion, Social Anxiety, Shyness, Conscientiousness, Obsessive-Compulsive...I've spent many thoughtful moments considering rules. I'm not sure whose rules - society's, my own? 

I'd like to step back a minute. Consider this quote by the famous American General Douglas MacArthur:

"You are remembered for the rules you break."

The past two years of writing poetry for publication, and discerning what precisely spins the head off my neck, quickens my pulse, in art (music, movies, novels, visual, etc; my own, others') the chief discovery I made was I most fee pleasure in the act of rule-breaking, or while participating in it with another (reading, viewing, listening; 'another' being the maker). 

Beauty breaks the rules. 

Today, at every opportunity, every hint of reticence, every mental stopper, push-back, I broke the rule, flicked the angel off my right shoulder and gave heed to the devil on my left (sinister!) - recalcitrant instead of acquiescent, I failed at my usual capitulating and said "To hell with this prison of morality!" In short, I rebelled against myself. The slave revolted against the selfsame slavemaster; an internal servile war. 

I've made a profound synthesis: art is about revolt, breaking new ground by forsaking unnecessary rules; living artfully, ignore the limits and unbound your soul, choose the rules (a few) to keep, and live as freely as possible (art is freedom). By rules to keep, of course the Ten Commandments offer some (thou shalt not murder). I like the Hippocratic Oath (maybe I'm biased). 

Maybe this only applies to me, but for any of you out there who can relate to Fitzgerald's words (from Nick's mouth) in Gatsby, then maybe you should try what I tried today: break those interior rules. Empower yourself. If not in life - then to my artist friends - in creating!

PS: I apologize this post looks like shit. I don't know why it keeps turning out in these stupid colors. Probably has to do with pasting in the quotes. Mea culpa. 

New Poem Up at Poetic Diversity! (Happy Nat'l Poetry Month)

Thank you, Poetic Diversity, for taking a chance on one of my oddball prose poems. The site looks great, hope you all enjoy :)

http://poeticdiversity.org/main/poemArchive.php?recordID=1954

*By the by, check in for their next issue where another prose poem of mine will be featured. "This is a dream. I'm busting, Jerry, I'm busting!" - Jason Alexander, Seinfeld

Man and Things We Make

I'd just like to offer an idea: We mistake the extraordinariness of man's creations for the extraordinariness of man.

How often are we astounded by the creation (Annie Hall, The Cantos) and disappointed by the creator (Woody Allen, Ezra Pound)? It's because great creations, we assume, are made by great men / women. And since we're surrounded by great creations on a day to day basis (cars, computers, electricity, controlled fire, airplanes, cement roads, wooden houses, hospitals, etc) MAN must be great...nay, "in God's image."

I think man's creativity is more our specialty - like Darwin's finches, their specialized beaks based on their diet; or like the peacock's tail, or shark's rows of teeth - or rather, it's our TRICK to surviving, but it isn't proof we're highest on the hierarchy of creation. The cat probably sees how graceless most of us are and thinks CATS are god-like; dogs probably see our pathetic sense of smell and...well, you know.

Our creativity - we have such a complex language! (our creation) - is like a highly specialized organ, like a dog's sense of smell. Our creations are incredible, most individual human specimens, on the other hand, are quite canny, ESPECIALLY when stripped of their man-made objects (clothes, shoes, glasses, etc).

Animal Intelligence

I think it's human nature to look at another species - our cats, our dogs, the robins, the squirrels, the giraffe at the zoo - and wonder: What are you thinking? What do you know?

First of all, my dogs and cats are relatively lazy. A lot of their time is spent lounging on the sofa or by a vent, or on the bed. But think about a human doing that: The human is not sitting their with an empty mind; we daydream, fantasize, ponder.

I spend a lot of time wondering about my life and about God, or my (our) creator. I'd be willing to bet a hefty sum cats and dogs and giraffes, in their own ways, wonder about their (our) creator, as well. As evolution-minded scientists know, much of human behavior has precedents; it did NOT just pop up suddenly when modern Homo sapien came on the scene. That goes for tools, art, language, etc, etc. Though I still think the fact that we wear clothes is fairly nifty.

Some sort of wondering about God, and attempting to make sense of life, must go on in each individual animal with a mind, to some degree, probably in some way humans are incapable of imagining. Since no animal (we know of) can do something like a book - share his or her or its ideas - those ideas of God are probably limited to that individual, hence there are probably no animal religions. That seems absurd, but deliciously so.

I was thinking about the way we test animal intelligence - silly problem-solving and maze-memorizing games. Here's my question: If an animal is able to survive, and THRIVE, in the wild for a long enough time to mate, isn't that proof of its intelligence? It survives in the wild - think of the humans you know who couldn't! Not just people with special needs (all children, special needs children, elderly) but some low-functioning adults. Yet we presume the human mind to be superior, when we know the human eye is rather pathetic compared to some other species.

I think the human mind is a supremely creative one, and that mankind relies heavily on its creations, unlike any other beast in the world. I question our superiority in other realms of intellect though. Elephants have tremendous memories, create beautiful paintings; Gorillas with training in sign language demonstrate previously unimagined depths of feeling.

It's difficult being a human, a born omnivore who at once adores animals and survives by eating them. I think that recycling of matter and spirit, eating, growing, dying, pushing up daisies - it's at once beautiful and tragic. The necessity of death for life. I've decided to be on the side of conservationists, to be a conscientious omnivore, and avoid at all costs harming animals unnecessarily, and to consider it morally reprehensible - evil - to drive one of God's creations to extinction. It makes me queasy thinking about it; all the megafauna gone because of us - though of course if we crossed paths with some (i.e. saber-toothed tigers) we'd probably kill or be killed, as well, and part of my desire to see them alive might include some kind of zoo facility (i.e. Jurassic Park), or just being able to sleep at night (in my bed, sheltered) and KNOW...they're out there!

Anyway, my daughter loves animals, music and animals, and I think those are loves we never outgrow; I haven't! So I just wanted to put forward the idea that animals are much more intelligent than we give them credit for. Think of what they accomplish! Surviving - every day - without a refrigerator or winter coat, without a gun or car; pretty impressive.

The Gift of Mindfulness

The heading really sums up all I have to say well: The enduring gift of art (for the viewer / reader) is Mindfulness - it renews your senses, emotions, lights up your inner world like a sun, makes the sun and moon of the outer world brighter, the colors and shapes sharper.

Mindfulness: Art knocks you back to your senses, you pay attention to your surroundings again. As I said in an earlier post, Attention on the Object is the act of loving the object - you re-fall in love with the world again, like a child.

Who does not wish to fully inhabit themselves and their world, to completely enjoy every aspect of a day, a sandwich, a kiss, a sunset, a bird's song? You never want to feel you're missing out on something.

This is one function of art, a tool on a par (in man's kit) with the spear and the wheel; another form of Prometheus's bestowal, the flame of our inner fires!

Quick Thought on Man and Animals

In medicine, a lot of animal products (hormones, surfactant) are viable treatments for people deficient in those products. This has been known for some time.

If God / Nature endowed man and animals (as if those two things are different) with similar pituitaries, adrenals, pancreas, livers, why do we think the brains are so radically different? If their adrenals make epinephrine like ours, why do we assume their brains don't produce thoughts and feelings like ours?

I think it's guilt. We're a moral animal, so we have to lie to ourselves to excuse our bad behavior: see victim-blaming ("She was asking for it"), or calling victims of injustice sub-human (Nazis called Jews "rats," America considered its slaves 3/5 of a person).

I hope some day we can transcend some of the uglier aspects of our nature. Namely, I'd like to see all the mass delusions gone. Isn't it better to know the truth? Sometimes I think the only obstruction between the truth and mankind is all of the biases we're programmed to deploy for self-preservation, the art of self-deception.

Changing Attitudes About Healthy Living

I'm a physician, so I hope I'm deemed qualified to comment on a few things in this post about health, specifically overall well-being. Currently, I plan on specializing in pediatric endocrinology in the near future, but this doesn't mean I don't keep track of trends in adult health, considering my own health is of course very important to me, and I'm able, thanks to college and medical school, to understand the studies regarding adult issues (heart health, cancer prevention, mental health, etc).

I just wanted to share a few attitude adjustments I've made recently, been forced to make as a resident, that I think could help the general population as well.

Two are regarding nutrition, specifically obesity. The first adjustment I made was in my attitude toward food. I was born with a sweet tooth, and was rewarded frequently as a child with a treat, like ice cream. As a young adult I've often rewarded myself for a good performance at work, or a full day of studying, with a treat. I also have found myself often at work thinking "I deserve something special" and grabbing a bite. What happened was, the combination of increased work hours (which the resident physician schedule is notorious for) and decreased time to dedicate to fitness, lead to my getting slightly out of shape. So the first adjustment I had to make was 1) No longer seeing food as something to have for fun, like when I'm bored, or as a reward.

Generally "fun" food is high in sugar or fat, high in calories. There are better things to do for fun, even at work. You can read something entertaining, take a walk, or find someone else who isn't busy to have a conversation with. This will take your mind off food, and it won't add inches to your waist.

The second adjustment I made was regarding exercise. In college and medical school my work outs were 1-2 hour sculpting sessions that consisted of reps, sets, and documented gains in weight lifted each day. It was highly routine, and resulted in bulk, shaping - a lot of good. This type of routine, however, isn't possible with a resident physician work schedule. My way of seeing exercise in the early part of my residency was very black-and-white: If I can't get in a two hour work out, there's no point in working out at all. Residency, marriage, fatherhood - I don't think I'll have the time for two hour work outs again. That didn't help my "figure."

Before I go on, there's a common expression I think is useful to remember: Use it, or lose it. Obesity is largely a result of not using our musculoskeletal system. The fibers and sinews that move our bones were given to us for activity, mobility. Using them burns calories, improves insulin sensitivity (preventing diabetes). This led to my second attitude adjustment: 2) make it a priority to move as much as possible, dailiy - God / Nature endowed us with a body to move; we eat for energy to move. The movement can be walks around the building or outside, even while at work (like on a lunch break), it can be some push ups and sit ups if you're interested in sculpting some of the sexier muscles, or you can do what I did and get a heart rate monitor, run around your neighborhood every other night, and track your heart rate to insure you're making the most of your brief foray outdoors for some exercise.

So, in summary, my hope is we could all be healthier and feel better mentally (since self-esteem is largely tied to body image) if we 1) stop seeing food as something for "fun" or to alleviate boredom (think of our ancestors not long ago - food was something to work for, it wasn't something as readily available as it is now), and 2) exercise doesn't have to be highly regimented, or at a gym, just move, use your body, your muscles and bones; do body weight exercises, calisthenics, get creative. I'd also like to emphasize the growing body of literature demonstrating the addictive and harmful affects of sugar consumption; my hope is future generations will see it as a drug, or something to use sparingly like cigars or alcohol. It leads to heart disease and strokes (and impotence, abdominal pain, leg claudication) secondary to high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes - this is common knowledge by now.

My resident schedule has forced me to change my attitude in similar fashions about other things. My writing I do in short spurts - I can no longer have marathon sessions alone to myself at a coffeeshop. Same goes for studying - read an article, or part of an article - here or there, finish it later. Adulthood is defined by Responsibility, and to continue caring for myself, I had to change my attitude about what is proper care: Food, exercise, writing, studying.

A final note I'd like to make, regarding an adjustment that I learned as a physician but I think applies to all of life: the things of this world, our resources, are not infinite; there is a finite number of everything - oil, trees, antibiotics, money, manpower, etc. The image of the tribal, primitive hunter who hunts in one valley in May, and doesn't return until next May so that the land may replenish itself with game and berries - that is a good way to live. Turn off lights in vacated rooms, drive as little as possible, prescribe the shortest effective course of antibiotics, recycle, eat only what you need - I think one can not recognize the finite nature of Nature and not feel their living morally if they don't do their part to conserve and help things grow.

I'm the father of a two year old, and I do a lot of teaching what's right and wrong. I don't think we ever stop learning what's right and wrong, and I think it's wrongheaded to believe as an adult you already know the difference. If you always do what you think is right, it'd be difficult to fault you for any mistakes you make, and the hope would be you learned from said misstep. I don't want to sound preachy, I just think what's made the biggest difference in my life recently is doing what feels most right when it comes to decision-making and taking action (what feels most right - not sure we can ever say with certainty the "right" thing to do; we do our best). As a writer, I write what I like, what wows me; as someone who frequently feels awkward and tells jokes to fix it, I recognize the jokes I tell are what I consider funny (whether others do is debatable). I think as a person, you have to do what you think is right, whether you came to that conclusion on your own, or somebody told you it is so.

This post is a far cry, in terms of subject matter, from my previous, poetry-related posts. I'm currently sending my second manuscript around to contests right now, and focusing on other things as I wait on responses: I'm taking pictures, writing stories, reading fiction and all the medical articles I can get my hands on; writing songs, exercising more, etc. Of course I'm spending time with family.

I hope this article helps someone, either to make a change, or at least think about making a change. As an University of Wisconsin alum and current Ohio resident, I'll end (appropriately for March) with these words: Go Dayton Flyers! F*ck 'em, Bucky!